Tag Archives: migraine

Eye Fire! An Author’s Worst Nightmare

For the past four days my eyes have been on fire. I blame part of it to the glitch in Windows 8 that doesn’t allow my brightness to go up, but keeps it dim and causes me to squint. I blame the other part to my job as a nurse, which is now computerized and has me staring at a screen for 12+ hours. More blame to trying to read “Writing Apocalypse Survivor,” entries on the Kindle app on my cell phone. And the final blame to my mom, who allowed me to pour nail polish down my eyeball when I was just a wee little girl.  Okay, my mom isn’t to blame, and she had no clue I did this until it was too late, but I’m sure nail polish in the eye isn’t a good thing.

I’ve ranted before about my incessant migraines and how they are counterproductive to writing, but let me tell you this; when it feels like your eyes  are on fire, your squinting like mad, and everything is blurry . . . well that is downright scary to me as a writer. As it is, I am punching these keys half-blinded. Thankfully I know where the letters are on the keyboard.

fire eyesI’m still writing, although one doctor–and what do they really know–says I should go on eye rest, much like singers go on vocal rest. Pssh! I laugh at that suggestion.  Of course the doctor was already gone by the time my vision returned, so I was psssh-ing at no one but a semi-sedated patient.

I guess it only really struck me that this was a real issue when I found myself petting a tree stump and not a cat.  Let’s not discuss the issue with driving at night when all those Christmas lights are a hot green, blue, and red mess on my peripheries.  And, as a nurse, I know I should take some eye rest, but I don;t have my daughter this week which makes it the perfect opportunity to get so much writing done.

What’s worse than a migraine, I asked a few months back: Eye fire.  It feels like there is a red-hot poker trying to perform a lobotomy on my inner canthus (click inner canthus for a picture), and I’m stuck petting tree stumps instead of cats.  And all those gosh darn Christmas lights just don’t help. Seriously, how does one go about getting eye rest? I can’t sleep all day.  Can’t walk around like a double patch eyed pirate–though it might be kind of cool–I could bedazzle my patch with “Be Still,” on one patch and “Novel.com” on the other. Heck, if I’m going to be blinded I might as well be promoting too.

Anyone every have this issue? Love some nice home remedy tips. Thanks. See (or not see) you all soon.

Tania

Advertisements

Provoking the Crazies

My craziness continues.  Not the usual playing therapist to the pets crazy, or warping my kid’s minds crazy, not even spending $200 at Lowe’s to attempt to beautify my yard (yet again) despite eight years of effort kind of crazy.  No.  This crazy is in countless, sleepless, migraine filled hours of learning how to market on a budget.  Seriously, I have had a migraine and/or headache for two weeks now.  Crazy involves spending an hour looking for the reading glasses I only use when I incur a headache after staring at a bright computer screen for hours on end then remember, “Oh yeah.  I’m supposed to wear my lenses to avoid this.” Then incur another battle of headaches adjusting to the glasses so the previous headache will go away.  It’s a vicious cycle and, in the end, I wind up several specific types of headaches (eye strain, stress, and fatigue) which turn into the Perfect Headache Storm of a category 5 and switch directions into a migraine….and don’t get me started on the Imitrex “crazies.”  That kind of crazy is down right spooky.

Oh, I forgot to mention the “watching the stats,” crazies.  That is where I check my phone apps to see how my “When I Thought I Was Tough,” book is doing on Bookemon, how my “Be Still,” book trailer is doing, how my personal website is doing, and what I can do to improve views on all three.  Now, let’s toss the Twitter psychotics into the mix and the, “oh let me check if anyone responded to my blog,” lunacy and stir it all together into the migraine and stats vortex…oops I forgot to import the insanity around creating a website dedicated to my book (like all the marketing sites advise) and the research that goes into deciding what to put on said site, (deep breath) and now following those stats and here I have a loony casserole of numbers, migraines, and…darn it all to H-E-double hockey sticks, I forgot to stir in some certifiable 5150 madness surrounding the nervous tick of checking my email to see if the live date of my book has come through….oooooh and the neurotic ramblings in my head that say, “Are you crazy girl (with attitude)? Nobody is going to buy a book, host an event, or remember your name after yesterday.”

The belly aching ensues.  The room spins.  I have that acidic burn in my throat.  I’m surrounded by numbers, “198 views on youTube, 2302 reads on Bookemon, 798 unique visits to tanialramos.com, 35 followers on Twitter, 5 months ’til Shamless Plug Month in September, $4,000 in debt in publishing efforts, &$#*%! in advertising materials,” and the migraines make my ears ring and eyes try to suck themselves into my head, and…

   HOLD UP!


Wait a minute… I’ve been surrounded by crazy my entire life.  My crazy family whom I love.  My crazy cat who kills baby birds and bring them home to show.  the crazy dog that needs a pet therapy session daily.  My crazy kids, because they think mom is made of money and according to my oldest, “sits on a throne of lies.”  My crazy mom who thinks that after all these years I will sweep under the cabinet and not around it (LOL).  My crazy daughter who laughs when I get pukey faced on the swinging ferris wheel car at Disneyland.  My boyfriend who thinks someday he’ll win that grappling match with me.  My crazy brother who finds hiking five miles with a camel pack on is, “a nice day out.” I’ve been through two divorces, one restraining order dispute, four attorneys in one year, a child custody battle, a CPS interaction gone terribly awry, single motherhood, nursing school (which was an insane 2 years), rain inside my home, an inch of dirt in my pool, dogs tearing out new plants, an ex-husband moving back to California, cats with bipolar and borderline personality disorders, and a bird that, after five years, doesn’t realize he has outlived his one year lifespan.  i’ve survived crazy most my life! Geesh…this is nothing.  besides, so many people are crazy these days, we’ve become the majority!

!!!!!CELEBRATE YOUR CRAZY!!!!!

Chocolate and Caffeine

     So far I have dealt with writer’s block and snot issues that have impeded my writing progression.  I know writer’s block is a huge issue amongst writers and authors.  It’s the like the plague to us.  For me, writer’s block occurs every few weeks as nothing more than a mild bump in the road that I can easily just hop over.  But then there are times when it is like hitting a huge wall and I have to do the military climb over the wall … and I don’t do obstacle courses very well.  Above all that there s one thing, one ginormous issue, that I have trouble working through on a weekly basis: Migraines!

     I have suffered from migraines since I was 12-years-old.  I will be honest, at one point in my life they were so severe and clustered that I spent 20 days out of the month dealing with them, 5 days recuperating, and another 5 days wondering when they will strike again.  It was a time in my life when suicide was a better option than living with this wretched infliction, but I never did it (or tried).  At that time I was told to stay away from caffeine and chocolate … twenty years later it is caffeine and chocolate that we are told to take.  Funny how that works.  Well, migraines stopped me from doing many things.  I once thought about enlisting in the Army when I was younger, but I knew it would be difficult with the migraines.  I thought about the Sheriffs, but drowned in the same conclusion.

     Eventually the migraines stopped, but they return for about a two-year stint then vanish just as long.  Now-a-days we have great meds like Imitrex, which cure the migraine but make me feel like I am having a stroke in exchange.  Good old-fashioned Coke and a Snickers works for me,and if that doesn’t then a massage at Ling Ling’s in the Mall of Victor Valley works, too.  Oh, fifteen minutes under the catatonic accupressure to my scalp and space between my thumb and pointer finger will make me fall to my knees, but when it’s all over and done with I am migraine free.

     The reason I bring up migraines is because it is the single best way to halt any progression of my writing.  Today, for example, I was suffering from a tension migraine which hits like a million tiny needles at the base of my skull then sends it soldiers of pain into my shoulders and neck.  It sucks.  But worse than all that I find I can not write.  It is a total vacuuming experience where it sucks my will to even think about writing.  And if I do push past the urge to sleep all day then the photophobia (sensitivity to light) sets in.  Kind of hard to stare at a monitor when the light is burning my cornea.  Migarines! A fiendish alli of the devil that has been put in place to keep me from realizing my talents.

     Ever notice how injuries tend to hurt people in ways worse than another person might take it.  For example: a writer goes blind … how does he write? A carpenter gets arthritis … how does he work? A runner loses a leg in an accident … how does he run? A photographer goes blind.  etc etc…  We see all the time the will of man prevailing past these logs in the road and we write about them or make movies dedicated to the strength of man.  I have to tell you, being a writer who suffers from migraines is like being a painter who is losing his sight.  It is not easy and sometimes makes me want to give up on it, but I haven’t.

     Toady i put my head down on the cold table at Starbucks with a cup of ice water poised on my neck and lowered the light on the computer screen, closed my left eye (the one which hurt most), and typed with one finger.  Oh, I saw the looks people gave me, but you know what? I finished chapter twelve of my third book.  I pushed past the thorn in my eye and prevailed.  I conquered the migraine monster that was all set to defeat the fair Chapter Twelve and laugh as I went fetal under a cold shower and 800mg of Ibuprofen…BUT, I prevailed! I opened my throbbing left eye, raised my cup of ice water and shouted, “I AM A WRITER! READ MY ROAR!” Okay…not really.  I hit “sleep” on the computer then went and took a nap in my car until my son got out of school, but its the principal of the matter, I think.

     Today’s word of wisdom: don’t let it get you down.  Whatever your “It” is, your will is much bigger.  It may be a small accomplishment like finishing the last few paragraphs in chapter twelve, or it may be getting up out of bed after a bad break up.  Whatever “it” is, you must be strong in mind.  Then you can be strong in body.  And when you are strong in mind and body, then you can be strong in soul.  Give yourself permission to be bigger than the boogeyman.  I conquered the migraine monster, now go defeat your monster.