Tag Archives: divorce

This is Me. No Really. This is Me.

Ever run out of things to say? Yeah, I’m there. I’m hoping it comes to me as I partake in this semi-strange web blog.  So what shall I say? Complain about work? Talk about my book club speaking event? Explain why I shouldn’t play football against high school kids (still hurts)? Sing you some Justin Bieber karaoke? Hehe, I’ll spare you that part … but if you’d like to do some Rock Band competitions then its on.

Guess I’ll just tell you more about me.  Some may be repetitive, but some of you are new, and its me, which means it’s worth repeating. Right? Okay, so who is Tania L Ramos? I’m going on forty this year and pretty happy about it. My thirties weren’t as awesome as I thought they would be, and more over, when I hit forty I get to attend the “Cougar Convention” in Las Vegas. Such a thing would make any woman long to be forty, I think.

I was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA where I was the only child for twelve years. Then came my brother … he’s grown on me since then.  I made a series of moves and eventually made it to the High Desert.  I’ve run the gambit of jobs from the Domino’s Pizza phone girl, a taxi cab company secretary, the See’s Candy girl, a temp, EMT, and now a nurse … oh yeah, and I worked at the Gap a spell, “Hello, welcome to the Gap, can I show you our sales items today.” Yep, that was me; only one word away from being the WalMart greeter, don’t you think?

I was a swimmer in high school; breast stroke and backstroke. Played powder puff football and failed miserably at trying out for the high school mascot: GO BULLDOGS! I was in drama, was 9th grade class treasurer, participated in the Leadership program, started a lunch time DJ program, and was the youngest student to attend the USC Young Writers Program for a summer. I played softball and managed a softball team in my twenties, and was known as DJ Babs for a while (played alternative music like The Cure, Depeche Mode, and Morrisey).

I was in journalism, creative writing, and some other writing program that I can’t remember. Yet, I failed every English class. I used to write sad, depressing, morbid poetry, then moved into horror stories that made my mom worried. Now, I write INDIE!! I love words. I love people who can hold intelligent conversations.

I don’t speak Spanish. I can use American Sign Language when I really put my mind to it. I hear words in color, which so many people still don’t understand, but it’s called Synesthesia and it really does exist.  So when someone talks and the words hit my ears, I see colors.  Kinda neat, sometimes a nuisance, makes me wonderful.

I speak with a slight lisp. Was teased about it most my life, don’t realize I have it until someone points it out, but tend to reaffirm it with this, “If I didn’t have a lisp then I’d be perfect and the world would hate me.” It’s my own way of coping. 🙂

I have three cats, two dogs, a turtle, and a partridge in a pear tree (A.K.A. a parakeet). Three kids: one in college, one trying to drop out of high school, and the 5 yr old prodigy. I love them all! Still, would like one quiet day out of the year.  Married twice, divorced twice, and it pretty much ends there. No more rings on this finger.  No. No. No. Well, unless a new guy comes bearing cookies, ice cream, and writes like Sparks.  Then we’ll start the negotiations. I’m a wallflower, usually get lost in the crowd, but back me against a wall and man-oh-man watch out– I may just get strongly worded and throw a cat at you.

I lived for X-Files, attended more than one Star Trek convention, and once watched an episode of Jersey Shore. I hate mashed potatoes, eggs, milk, vegetables, pork chops, pork products (except bacon), and orange cheese. I love pizza, spaghetti, pizza, spaghetti, pizza with spaghetti, and bread.  I talk to my animals as a form of therapy, because they listen, rarely judge, and seem to get it.

I hate taking pictures! I love taking pictures! Yeah, try and figure that one out. I tend to be more active in spring, then bury my head in the ground from Summer through Winter. I live in my denim jeans. Love my baggy college sweater. Wear crazy socks and wish my job would let me put pink streaks in my hair (I tried, I was caught). Miss my Doc Martens. Own ONE skirt, and said skirt is black plaid with several buckles on the side and has hanging suspenders (I lost). I love anything with skulls on it!! Cute skulls, girlie skulls.

I don’t talk much, but if I get to talking then you may never shut me up. And apparently, once I start rambling you can’t shut me up. Obvious? Should be! Any questions?

Not me

Not me

Tania L Ramos, Author with Nothing to Say

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My Life As a Comedy: Mayhem

mayhemNot so much! Do you know the Mayhem guy from the Allstate commercials? Well he seems to have taken up residence around me, and a few friends have pointed it out.  Many have asked exactly why I am not sitting in a corner crying or banging my head against a wall, and I answer, “I don’t do crazy in public. Unless I’m holding a conversation with my characters, and that’s the exception.”

The past three years of my life have been filled with crazy, moronic, moral breaking things: divorce, child custody, troubled youth, watching our justice system epicly fail, rain coming from the ceiling of our 1st story bedroom in a two story house, a car accident, and now a burst pool pipe.

“Well hello Mayhem! Please be sure to pay first and last month’s rent. Oh, and can you please put the toilet seat down? There are women living in the house who don’t like their butt drowning in subfreezing toilet water.”

But do I cry about it? Do I raise my fist to the heavens and yell, “WHY? why? Why?” Nope!  I write about it.  While these stories rarely make it into novels, they do make it into journals or onto brown napkins from the hospital I work at. No,not a psychiatric hospital–though listening to the stories of those patients are sometimes inspiring and thought provoking–my true job lies in making sure people wake up from their surgery, and I’m thankful Mayhem is stopped at the door by security.

Where so many people have asked, why haven’t you just broken down? I answer, “Because it won’t stop the voices in my head.” I have more to deal with than late bills, the rising cost of electricity, and an increase in my car insurance because someone else had an accident; I have voices that talk all day and they don’t stop for my little crises.  They seem to really care less.

My outlet to life are my words.  Some write poetry, some draw, some garden, some drink.  I write.  I can escape by putting it down on paper, though I have chosen time and time again to never write it out as some Shakesperean tragedy, instead it is written in third person limited as a comedy.  Because when I look back at the dismal year of 2011, all I see is a black veil over my life … but I laugh at it because I am still here.

Mayhem may try to be my foe, but all he has done is given me reason to write.  My words for the day are: Don’t let life get in your way.  Get in life’s way and say, “nani nani nani boo boo.”

Tania L Ramos, Author

(you can follow Mayhem here: Facebook)

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If your going through hell

     I was finally able to send in for my loan, so I should receive funding today, which I should already be aware means trouble will follow.  I mean that has pretty much been the story line of my life this year; everytime I see the light at the end of the tunnel, turns out it was the headlight on a train careening at me at full locomotive speed.  Sigh.  Well, this minor setback isn’t as bad as a locomotice impaling my body.  I called my editor and turns he started vacation today and won’t be back until the 29th.  This mean my book is on a one week hold.

     I am takin this news in stride, because I firmly believe everything has a time and place.  I have learned so much this year: keep the faith, hold family close, and when life hands you lemons make lemonade and then learn how to sell it for $5 a cup (my son’s senior year quote)…I think The Donald would appreciate that one.  This has been a year of up’s and downs and they still aren’t over for me.  This Christmas I will spend it in my home with my daughter, while my other children and mom go to Los Angeles to spend it with my other family.  I’m firmly thinking of starting a blog of what that ordeal is about so others in my situation can have someone to talk to.  But, needless to say, my daughter and I will have Chrsitmas dinner at John’s Incredible Pizza.  On Christmas day we will go visit my grandmother and wait until ten pm to make the child exchange with er dad.  Then do it all again for New Year’s eve.  John’s pizza will make some money off of us in the next two weeks.

     My point, because I think I have one, is this: If your going through hell, keep on moving (courtesy of Rodney Atkins). I can’t quote more than that due to copyright infringements that I do not wish to contend with.  But look up the song and that is my mantra for the year.  It is so true.  You can keep moving and get passed the bad things, or slow down, wallow in misery and be stuck there indefinitely.  I have seen people do the latter and it’s not a pretty sight.  Keep moving people. Run. Sprint. Dash!!! Go forward. Do not become stagnant in life, even when you want to drop to the ground, curl up and go fetal…it doesn’t get you anywhere but crooked and cramped.  I’m speaking from experience.  I honestly feel after my horrible year that I can be a motivational speaker, BUT, I’ve chosen to write.  It’s so much more artsy, don’t you think?

     You know many famous artists have their blue periods or dark years? I think in a few years when I reread my novels I may just say, “that was my blue year.” Not that they are all dark, morbid, and bleak.  I find the down side, or what people feel as a “blue” moment, and try to bring some light to it.  Like I said, it’s my own therapy. Hmmm, I think I lost my train of thought and veered of course.  Oh yeah, everything has a purpose.  So this year I could have fallen into a deep horrible depression ( i had every right to), but instead, I chose to spend my hours writing and fulfilling a dream.  My youngest son was very surprised when in my first book, “When I Thought I Was Tough,” had a dedication to  him, which said (and I’m paraphrasing), without all your drama I would have never had the chance to write this book.  You see, I took a bad thing and made it good, then ran with it.  I’m still running through hell, and even though the bad things sometimes manage to get a quick hold of me, I do my best evasion maneuver and keep on running. 

     So I’m taking this one week break from the, “BeStill,” book, and continuing on my next book which I think I will title, “A man who didn’t have to be.”  I tend to get titles and sometimes ideas, from music, so this would be from a Brad Paisley song called, “He Didn’t Have to be.” It is an awesome video and runs along my storyline, but I didn’t take the story from this song.  In fact, two days ago was the first time I had heard it, which is unheard of because I am a huge Brad Paisley fan (he’s my one cheat day: if I ever had the chance to cheat on my boyfriend, he has approved that it can be with Brad Paisley…I gave my boyfriend a day with Drew Barrymore).  So,  I was listening to my Sirius satellite radio and heard this song play, and after wiping away the tears, knew this was my title.  I know, I skewed the title, because I don’t want to infringe on rights, nor do I want to take away from Mr. Paisley’s wonderful song.  I hope my book will bring as much emotion as the music video does.

     To sum it all, don’t dawdle in self pity.  You get nowhere but deeper in self-pity.  Make that dash and jump those hurdles because only you can get yourself out of that place.  Okay, now here is my disclaimer: I fully believe that depression is a disease that may be caused by a hormonal imblanace that may occur by no effort of our own.  Sometimes fighting our own body is the hell we must struggle to go through, so I say: if you are so bad off and so deep into your own sadness, it is okay to seek professionl help.  We all need someone to talk to sometime, and sometimes a simple littl pill can put the out-of-whacks back in whack.  BUT, if this is a case of having a bad hair day, embrace your bad hair and make it a fashion statement.  If it’s a bad year, like mine, which started with being serve divorce papers on New Year’s day, to thatI say: hug your kids, hug your wife/husband, call a friend, write a book, work in your garden, paint, teach the dog to fetch the newspaper, or teach the cat to smile and not have multiple personalities…do something! Keep moving.  Pursue your dreams (it’s your right).  Sometimes you just wanna go where everybody knows your name…trust me…somebody is this gigantc world has been through it and you are not alone.  My offer still holds, you can vent to me, or tell me your accomplishments, and I’ll listen…until i’m some big wig, snob, accomplished, world renowned author with a Pulitzer Prize…get me while you can (insert sarcasm and rolly eyes).  😉  

     Wow, where did that stupid soapbox come from? Haha.  Okay, I’m going to go write the back storyline of Benjamin Bennet, my hero in the new book.