Never Trust a Smiling Cat

Yet another random and wild thought brought about by strange conversations my son and I have in passing. Literally, in passing.

My cat, Chino, is a golden tortie cat and the sweetest most adorable and laid back cat on earth.  You can pet her, scratch her belly, rock her like a baby and she’ll just let you do it, all the while she’s purring and trying to get more attention. Or is she?

Chino is our “return” kitty, meaning she was given away from a litter of kittens our scary black tortie cat, October, had years ago.  All our kittens were given away with the strict instruction that if the new owner no longer wanted, or could not care for their kitten, it would be returned to us promptly.  We love our pets.  And so my son’s girlfriend took Chino, the cutest of the litter, and days later returned the cat.  Yay!

Our return kitty has been the best cat ever.  Or is she? Chino is not only a cute and cuddly feline who can make your heart melt, she is also a cold blooded killer who relishes in showing off her killing abilities in my bedroom.  Many a sparrow, lizard, and field mouse has felt a slow demise at the paws of my Chino.  See, she doesn’t always kill her prey, sometimes she just roughs them up and these creatures likely choose death and go to the light all on their own.

My son says, “She loves you and brings you gifts.”

I say, “She’s warning me of her killing abilities.”

My son says,, “But she’s so soft and cuddly-wuddly and just so adorable.” This he says while cuddling said “Adorable” gift bringing kitty-cat.  All the while said “gifting” cat is purring and smiling (she does smile, a lesson angry cat should learn), but she’s also looking at me with one eye and i know said kitty is thinking, “I can kill him right here, right now.”

And i’m thinking in return, “Do it!” Just because I think she can read my mind.

She doesn’t and my son goes on with how amazing this cat is and how she just wants to show her love and affection.  So I regale him a little story about a friend who had a cat who brought the same “gifts,” except one day the gift was seething and slithering and doing its “tssssss” thing because the adorable loving cat brought a live snake into the house.  My friend says she was scared as scared can get and quickly disposed of the snake.  She went on to say the cat looked upset that she threw the snake out.

“Now, I understand bringing me gifts because she loves me, but that was downright scary,” she told me.

I snickered, maybe cackled, or was it a muahahaha? In any regards, I set her straight with this free tidbit, “these are not gifts! They are demonstrations of the awesome killing capabilities these furry little creatures possess.  Do not be fooled, my friend.  Bringing dead animals is nothing more than bringing in proof of their kill count.  Don’t you see! They are killing machines.  Killing machines!!!” Can you sense my rising tension? I get dramatic at times.

“Bringing in a live snake while you were sleeping was a hit.  You just happened to wake up and catch the frawline in the act.  This is why pooky-wooky was so upset.  You foiled the assassination! There will be other attempts . . . oh there will be more!”

For one reason or another, my friend laughed at me. I warned her.

So remember folks, when Pooky brings the head of a field mouse, it is not breakfast, it is proof! Give your pets a hug today . . . maybe some catnip and kitty treats too. And when they sleep across your keypad, they are trying to kill your dreams . . . because you’ve probably foiled an assassination plan.

Tania L Ramos, Author With a Smiling Cat

Killer cat--

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4 responses to “Never Trust a Smiling Cat

  1. I have one cat (Sasha) that showed off her ability to kill young rabbits by bringing one into the house. While another (Cheez-It) prefers to bring live birds into the house where they can’t escape as easy. So far this year we have rescued and released five live birds from the house. Unfortunately, there was a sixth bird that we didn’t realize she had in time and she killed it before we could get it. There were feathers all over my bedroom.

    • We’ve saved two birds, but at least a dozen or so have not survived. Yesterday we went into my daughter’s room and found the carpet covered in feathers, a partial wing, but nothing else. I don’t know why birds still fly over our yard.

      • LOL, I’m not sure why they still come within a ten mile radius of mine. I did try to have inside only cats at first, but the cats started to become neurotic, so we installed a cat door. They have returned to their normal (as normal as cats are at any rate) selves.

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