It would be much to difficult to explain the mental duress I have put myself through these past few months. Working either overtime, double time, and then taking on a second job have nearly broken me. My goal was to pay off my bills by next summer and be debt free. Not sure just how close I am to that, but it seems the more I work the more bills pop out of nowhere. I can’t even begin to explain how I pay well over $4,000 a month in expenses making under $4k a month. I call it miracle math.
But with that little tidbit of my life being put on blast to the world, it goes without saying that I am fundamentally unhappy. I wake up at 6am to be at work by 7am and get home by 8pm, if I didn’t have to stop for groceries or some other miscellaneous chore. All the while, I quietly repeat to myself, “I will walk a mile on the treadmill and write at least one chapter before bed.” Guess how many times that has happened? Zero!
My life is lacking. I miss working out, but so much more I miss writing. It has been exactly 5 weeks since even opening the documents page of my latest tear jerker. I’ve managed to squeeze out about an hour of writing my sci fi book, and that only happens on Sundays while driving my daughter to Los Angeles (don’t worry readers, I’m not driving and writing–although, as a mother I feel I could make it happen 🙂 ). So, unhappy with my weight and disappointed with the amount of writing being put out, I had to make a choice.
As of next Wednesday, in the interest of keeping my sanity and running toward the pursuit of happiness, I will be back down to one job. I have also vowed to not work more than 40 hrs a week. I’m not exactly sure how I will fund my future self-publications or support the costs of maintaining a home and family as a single mother, but I will cross that road when I get there. I believe in the power of miracle math. Until then I will drop the six pounds I gained and write a chapter a night and be at one within my contented universe again.
This is my question to you all:
Work at two jobs and be debt free, but miss out on the things you really want to do? Or, work one job, struggle to pay the bills, but do exactly what you love to do in the process?
See you all next week when I find the time to write again. May you find peace and joy in the things you love most, and don’t forget to pursue your happiness.