Provoking the Crazies

My craziness continues.  Not the usual playing therapist to the pets crazy, or warping my kid’s minds crazy, not even spending $200 at Lowe’s to attempt to beautify my yard (yet again) despite eight years of effort kind of crazy.  No.  This crazy is in countless, sleepless, migraine filled hours of learning how to market on a budget.  Seriously, I have had a migraine and/or headache for two weeks now.  Crazy involves spending an hour looking for the reading glasses I only use when I incur a headache after staring at a bright computer screen for hours on end then remember, “Oh yeah.  I’m supposed to wear my lenses to avoid this.” Then incur another battle of headaches adjusting to the glasses so the previous headache will go away.  It’s a vicious cycle and, in the end, I wind up several specific types of headaches (eye strain, stress, and fatigue) which turn into the Perfect Headache Storm of a category 5 and switch directions into a migraine….and don’t get me started on the Imitrex “crazies.”  That kind of crazy is down right spooky.

Oh, I forgot to mention the “watching the stats,” crazies.  That is where I check my phone apps to see how my “When I Thought I Was Tough,” book is doing on Bookemon, how my “Be Still,” book trailer is doing, how my personal website is doing, and what I can do to improve views on all three.  Now, let’s toss the Twitter psychotics into the mix and the, “oh let me check if anyone responded to my blog,” lunacy and stir it all together into the migraine and stats vortex…oops I forgot to import the insanity around creating a website dedicated to my book (like all the marketing sites advise) and the research that goes into deciding what to put on said site, (deep breath) and now following those stats and here I have a loony casserole of numbers, migraines, and…darn it all to H-E-double hockey sticks, I forgot to stir in some certifiable 5150 madness surrounding the nervous tick of checking my email to see if the live date of my book has come through….oooooh and the neurotic ramblings in my head that say, “Are you crazy girl (with attitude)? Nobody is going to buy a book, host an event, or remember your name after yesterday.”

The belly aching ensues.  The room spins.  I have that acidic burn in my throat.  I’m surrounded by numbers, “198 views on youTube, 2302 reads on Bookemon, 798 unique visits to, 35 followers on Twitter, 5 months ’til Shamless Plug Month in September, $4,000 in debt in publishing efforts, &$#*%! in advertising materials,” and the migraines make my ears ring and eyes try to suck themselves into my head, and…


Wait a minute… I’ve been surrounded by crazy my entire life.  My crazy family whom I love.  My crazy cat who kills baby birds and bring them home to show.  the crazy dog that needs a pet therapy session daily.  My crazy kids, because they think mom is made of money and according to my oldest, “sits on a throne of lies.”  My crazy mom who thinks that after all these years I will sweep under the cabinet and not around it (LOL).  My crazy daughter who laughs when I get pukey faced on the swinging ferris wheel car at Disneyland.  My boyfriend who thinks someday he’ll win that grappling match with me.  My crazy brother who finds hiking five miles with a camel pack on is, “a nice day out.” I’ve been through two divorces, one restraining order dispute, four attorneys in one year, a child custody battle, a CPS interaction gone terribly awry, single motherhood, nursing school (which was an insane 2 years), rain inside my home, an inch of dirt in my pool, dogs tearing out new plants, an ex-husband moving back to California, cats with bipolar and borderline personality disorders, and a bird that, after five years, doesn’t realize he has outlived his one year lifespan.  i’ve survived crazy most my life! Geesh…this is nothing.  besides, so many people are crazy these days, we’ve become the majority!



3 responses to “Provoking the Crazies

  1. that picture will never get old for me.

  2. Yes, crazy has become the new “normal”, thank God. I’ve waited a long time for the trend to be elevated, legitimized, given status without a smirk. It truly is an art form–but you know that. Laughing my head off about your bird–is that not the definition of success (and maybe revenge)?!! Have a great day–Caddo

  3. I tend to agree that it is revenge, as is he singing at 5am-but thats what we get for letting the bipolar cats sleep o top of his cage.

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