Today I received a phone call from Iuniverse Supervisor of marketing, but I believe he said he was above that. I could be wrong. Anyhow, he went on to tell me how impressed the publishers have been with my book and how there is a lot of “buzz” going on surrounding, “Be Still.” So I’m listening and in the back of my head wondering what this guy is trying to sell. He goes on to say they tink my book will go far and Iuniverse wants me to do further promoting in the way of getting professional review from Kirkus. Of course this is an additional fee by way of $3000 in which I quickly said that was a lot of money and I have already spent nearly $4500 to see how far my dream will get me (would have been more but iuniverse paid 10% of my up front editing package).
So he tells me Iuniverse staff are excited to see how far I will go and believe it has great potential to go far. As such, they are willing to pay 50% of the professional review fee. And I’m thinking, this is still a bunch of money for somehow who is flat broke, and how often am I going to be solicited to pay some new fee. Now trust me, my red flag waves any time someone asks for money, but I do get that since I am self-publishing all my fees are out of my pocket. And I am flattered at all the wonderful things that were said about my book, but in the back (actually forefront) of my cerebellum, I am thinking these people are just marketers no different from a telemarketer. On the converse, I have to say that my review and trust in them has been top-notch based on their performance to date, so I don’t have much reason to think they are scamming me-other than my own insecurities about doling out cash for a mere shot at a dream. A dream. A shot at a dream. A one in a million hail Mary shot at a dream.
I think again…what if I only sell 5 books. I have a kid going to college this year. I have holes in my ceiling from where it rained inside the house. The boys have to share my bathroom (yuck yuck yuck) because they have no tile from where the bathroom flooded. Can I really afford to take such a huge financial leap of monetary faith? What if it is all a scam? BUT. What if I have a shot? What if I am that one-in-a-million? What if my dream is destined to be a reality? What is my dream? I’ve said it before: I want to pay off the debt created to pursue this dream. I want to send my kid to college without taking out a loan. And I’d like to pay my bills off. Really, i’d settle for breaking even on this publishing venture.
So I asked my boyfriend and my mom and they both had the same response, “You came this far … go all the way.” That means another credit card! Is it worth it? I won;t know unless I try, but if I fall flat on my face I’ll be devastated that I put my family in deeper debt. If I had a nice cushion to follow this venture I’d go forward without question. I’m stuck. How much would you pay to follow a dream? To follow a “what if?”