I don’t know who the winner is! What in the world is wrong with the masochists at iUniverse.com? How could you hold my manuscript at bay for another week, and then say, “your book will now be reviewed by the Editorial Review Board for Editor’s Choice consideration . . . this will take about a week?” That’s like waiting to find out who won American Idol and Ryan Seacrest saying, “I have your winner right here and the winner . . . will be announced in one week.” What kind of person in their right mind can subject new novelists to such barbaric torture. This isn’t The Hunger Games, after all. We do live in the now where people should still have some descencey, compassion, and common courtesy toward the mental stability (mentility) of others. My own dog cocked his head and raised a brow when I read that email. By God, even the dog couldn’t register the madness.
And so I sit here twiddling my thumbs, chewing on my toe nails, and pulling on the cat’s whiskers, waiting for a week to go by. A week. Seven days. 168 hours if I did my mental math correctly. Do you know what that is? That’s a long time! What can happen in a week? I can no longer have any toe nails, my thumbs can be calloused stubs, and the cat can walk sideways from lack of whiskers. Can you live with that iUniverse Editorial Review Board? Can you?
My best bet is to try and hold on to my little ray of hope that I did everything the way you asked, and in a way that allowed me to keep my creative bearings. Tonight I will sleep and ignore the millions of questions in my head, because I will give them an Ambien night off. Sweet, sweet Ambien. Bringer of dreams that make absolutely no sense, except maybe to the platypus that sat on the hood of the car who gave me directions to the USS Enterprise and told me to be wary of Romulans. Oh Ambien, the bringer of the sleep hangover that can only be fixed by taking a B12 strip. Ambien, my foe…my friend…you must be in cahoots with that editorial review board.
As always, thank you for indulging my thoughts. Fingers crossed, and I’ll let you all know how I faired when I get that email. Have a wonderful night, and if you see a platypus in your dreams…I put him there!