I am sorry I haven’t been able to read any blogs all week. It’s plain awful. I feel like I need my blog fix and can’t get to it. I am currently training as a Pre-op assessment testing RN and my hours are Mon-Fri 830-500pm. After work I have to tote around my son who is in charter school and needs to go do proctor chaparoned testing twice a week. Then Thursday I get my girl and send off my son and Sundays we reswap kids. Since being back at work I have not turned on my computer until today. For the first time in over year, my laptop shut down because the battery died in sleep mode. That has never happened before and Ifelt like I wasn’t around when the “plug” was pulled on my poor Sony.
You all know by now that I talk to my pets, but today I pulled the laptop out from under a pile of scrubs and gave it a huge hug…but my love alone couldn’t turn it on. The poor thing was cold and dead. I coaxed it and sweet talked it as I turned it back on and bypassed safety mode. My hands were twitching (withdrawls) as it lit up and played its vibrant Microsoft diddy, letting me know there was still hope to recover the last chapter of my third novel that was left on the screen all those days ago. First I checked the read count on “When I Thought I Was Tough,” which is up to a wonderful 1571 reads and 180 likes. Then I came straight here to catch up on my blog and read other blogs. I feel like I have missed so much.
But more than missing writing my blog I miss writing my stories. I used to wake up at 630 and punch away all hours of the day. For one year it was my full-time job. Now, just as I expected, writing has taken a back burner to work and my motherly duties. I haven’t seen my third novel in over a month, but some of that was due to editing, “Be Still.” I had a dilema with the new book because I hated the first chapter. I didn’t feel it was captivating, and after much thought I realized the fix. Now all I need is the time to write the fix. I’m so upset…so very upset that my dream has come to a halt. I’ve whined to my boyfriend everyday that I miss doing what I loved. I didn’t know how much I loved being a writer until this week when I wasn’t able to do it anymore. I can’t fnd the time. I am exhausted from work, which is mentally grueling then kick myself for not even getting one page of writing in when I used to get a chapter in a day.
I’ve lost my love. My heart is sinking into an abyss and I’m not sure anyone around can truly understand my pain. it’s real. Not only am I not writing, but I’ve abandoned my characters and for me it’s like walking away from friends who need to be heard. They still talk to me, but I have to ignore them and concentrate on work now. I’m afraid that if I keep pushing them away then they will disappear all together. What if my talent disappears with them? I’m not conceded, but I feel like I have been blessed with a wonderful gift of story telling. And right now my gift is quietly in waiting on computer drive C. Quietly waiting to be revived…someday…if my characters wait for me.