Yelling at James Patterson

     If I had to name my favorite authors at the tippy top of the list by a landslide would be James Patterson.  He is indeed the master of the page turner.  I can’t really get into his suspense-thriller books, mainly because I hate not knowing who done it until the end, but I know they are awesome reads (I’ve read two of them).  I’ll tell you the books I love, his occasional romance novel and his teen series.  If you love fast paced stories then look up The Angel Series and start with The Angel Experiment.  I was hooked in the first paragraph and read it in a day.  Then he did Daniel X which my son and I absolutely love since we are huge A.I. fans (artificial intelligence=aliens fyi).  And soon after or maybe soon before we discovered his “Witch and Warlock” series…sort of a Harry Potter but way cooler because it Patterson, but I never got into those books since that’s just not my genre (not a fan of vampires either).  But that’s all me and my humble opinions in what I like and dislike as far as genre.

     So I wrote in a blog somewhere in december that I went to my local Barnes and Noble to scope out the recent reads and catch up on my literary saavy.  In the store are about 6 shelves side by side and about 5 shelves high.  There was a recent release section, books turned into movies, award winning, new fiction, new non-fiction, and JAMES PATTERSON.  Yep, he had an entire shelving untit dedicated to just Patterson books…and it was filled with recent releases, from teens to romance to drama, and I stood in awe.  It was like standing at the bottom of Everest.  I was speechless.  I think gum fell out of my mouth.  There was music playing like cherubs strumming harps.  Quite spiritual for the Barnes and Noble.

     I immediately called my boyfriend and told him I knew what my goal in life was…To have entire shelf dedicated to my writings, like Patterson.

     So a few days ago I am sitting in my living room with my mom and this commercial comes on for what looks to be some seductive new thriller movie.  It has a man kissing a girls neck and she’s all caught up in the throes of passion with heavy breathing and I’m like, “Wow.  Where’s the popcorn,” then the creepy narrator voice stops speaking and I’m thinking, “I gotta take my boyfriend to see this.” Then the narrator comes back as the music rises and a book cover flashes across the screen.  “James Patterson, Private.” And I yelled something, not even sure if there may have been a mild curse word in there, and my mom looks at me like I’m crazy (which happens quite a bit).

     I felt bad that I yelled at James (yeah, after owning at least twenty of his books I think I can safely call him James, now).  Its not his fault he’s so talented…I mean it is his fault, but he’s awesome.  So I told my mom that James (hehe) has a new book out almost every month…only two months prior was his commercia for the Witches books (sorry, not sure their true names).  Can you tell me how many novelists have commercials? I haven’t seen any other than his.  I didn’t mean to call him an obscenity, its just that I now have to make sure that my book doen’t come out when one of his new books comes out.  “Seriously, ” I wailed to the t.v., “leave some room at the top, Patterson.” 

     I’m not sure I can ever climb Everest, but I’m sure at the top of the mountain is a Patterson book waiting to be published.  I get winded just walking up my second story stairs… baby steps, I must tell myself.  Baby steps.  I had the opportunity to attend a Nicholas Sparks book signing once, but never got there.  I’m telling you all right now, if James is ever at my Barnes and Noble I will hold back no punches to be the first in that line.  Seriously, there will be kicking, gouging, and so help me if you stand in my way there may be a fast snapping groin kick.  All I want to ask is one thing, “Mr. Patterson? What’s it like at the top of Everest?”

     Happy writing my friends…and strive to reach for Everest, even if you have to start on the stairs in your home. 

Link to the trailer for Private, by James Patterson

Trailer for my favorite book series EVER

Mount Everest


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