What? You may ask. This is one of my favorite times of the year: Girl Scout Cookie cult time. I was busy revising chapter fourteen and in the middle of thinking how much I could go for a nice chocolate chip cookie, my doorbell rang. The dogs went wailing down the stairs and I heard the cute little alarm on my door say in her pompous voice, “front door open.” The next thing I heard was music to my ears as my son shouted, “Mom? Girl Scouts.”
“Thank you cookie cult gods for hearing my silent, reverent prayers,” I whispered while pushing the cat off the bed so she wouldn’t step across my keyboard accidently hitting delete. I hate when they do that. Like little kitty paws know exactly what hot buttons would corrupt my computer to a point I can’t go back and fix it. I ran down the stairs as quick as my Hello Kitty house-boots would take me. “Put the dogs out I back,” I shouted, wanting to be able to peruse my cookie selection without seething K-9′s at my heel.
“5 boxes for $20,” the eager salesgirls grinned. I was delighted, even over joyed, to know inflation hadn’t hit the cookie cult business yet. I bought five boxes of delectable, sugary, calorie rich goodness. All I could think of was the cookie ice-cream shakes that were in my future. I whispered to the boxes that I would see to it they were treatedwith the utmost of eating ompassion there could exist between a woman and a box of Lemon-aides. I coud already taste the cool Thin Mint complimented by rich chocolatey icream blended together. I quivered at the thought then ran into the house to see two teenagers standing in the kitchen.
“Don’t eat them all!” I shouted, secretly wanting to hide the boxes in my closet and covet them for myself. I paid for them afterall. Nevertheless, the kids dove into the boxes and I couldn’t help but think of the promise I broke to the cookis when I said they would be eaten with compassion. No. They were consumed with the unsatitiated appetite of ravenous cookie-avors. I had to walk away, but not before my son asked me to explain to his friend why I call The Girl Scouts a cult…here is my theory that I was once asked to defend as a red wagon approached ladedn with yummy goodness–
First of all, to correct my child, I did say The Girl Scouts were a cult in jesting, but it was the pyramid scheme that I was impressed with. Children, cloaked in emerald green, wearing sashes adorned with badges is the best pyramid scheme I have ever encountered and gladly purchased from. Here, parents send out their lovely daughters to sell these cookies in order to elevate the status or finaces of the troop (my theory only. I was never in Girl Scouts so I don’t know.) They earn badges so other little girls will want to join the emerald green, cookie toting cult thus elevating their status and earning more badges. The next generation comes in and perpetuates the cycle as the older girls move into a higher group at the top of the pyramid. Children are smitten by the badges, camps, and events so more girls join thus making their troop grow. More girls, more cookie sellers=more money. And the pyramid grows bigger.
Okay, so I was asked why they were a cult. My response. Because they wear green uniforms and have ranks. And they push us to eat these amazing cookies so we’ll be so stuffed and sugar innoculated that we won’t notice as they infiltrate the world around us. Who would dare ever suspect the girl scout cookie peddler after all? Not I.
DISCLAIMER! I am not knocking the Girl Scouts of America. I think they are a wondeful organization and give our young girls something to do when our government has taken so many other venues of socialization away. I love what they teach and agree with their mission statement. This conversation i spoke of came up as a joke when my son and I saw a Girl scout tugging a red wagon filled with cookies across a parking lot. Sometimes we talk to talk, and this was one of those occasions when my son asked me to defend a comment I made about them being a pyramid scheme…of course we bought $20 worth of cookies after. And i’d do it again. I love Girl Scout cookies!!!!
Also, the little cookie break gave me a sugar rush which allowed me to finish chapter 15′s revisions.